I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
