pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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