franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
