you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
