The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
