I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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