Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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