im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I AM VODKA MAN
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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