Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
