so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
