I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
