Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
