I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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