i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So squirting runs in the family.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
