I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize