shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was confusing and full of hummus
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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