The maid of honor just puked.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
