Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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