sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
