The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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