I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
