Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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