All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
