Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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