I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize