He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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