Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
