YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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