ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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