Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
