Where did you get a picture of my penis
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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