Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
