thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
