I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
