I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
