so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
