Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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