you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
