Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
