He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
