He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
