Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
please come you make the beer taste better
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
