We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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