happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
