That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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