Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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