I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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