and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
