Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
