fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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