brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
