you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
