im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
