I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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