wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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