watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize