I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
