Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
