booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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