Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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