Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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