Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
