I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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