Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize