is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
