ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
