it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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