eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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