After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
