You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
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