Duck Duck Cougar?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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