Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
