so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
