I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
