If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
