i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Send help, water and tortillas.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to make out with him forever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
