i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
