i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
