Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
