i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I love you.
Bad choice
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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