Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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