I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
