bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
