Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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