i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
