I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
