roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
