He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
