it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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