the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
