i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
