I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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