Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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