I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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