I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
