When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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