It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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